NFL Schedule release

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NFL Schedule Release

And let the overreacting begin! 

Is there anything that shows your loyalty as an NFL fan is picking your teams record five months before the first game?! Rosters aren't set - who cares?! Training camp isn't even in the picture - make a point?!  

Week 1 - Sunday, Sept 9, @ Carolina Panthers, 4:25 ET

The Cowboys will travel to the east coast for Week 1 where Cam Newton and former Cowboys coordinator Norv Turner will be waiting. Turner was brought in to revamp a lackluster offense - 19th (Total Offense) and 28th (Passing) in 2017 - but new systems always have an adjustment period. Record: 1-0

Week 2 - Sunday Sept 16, vs. New York Giants, 8:20 ET

The hated New York football Giants come to town to the comfy confines of AT&T Stadium. A weird trend has happened since Dallas moved across town to Arlington - the Giants were 4-0 at new Cowboys Stadium, but only 1-4 since the name change, which points to only one possible explanation. Eli uses Verizon and is shellshocked seeing the largest AT&T logo in the world on his drive to the stadium. Hex continues. Record: 2-0

Week 3 - Sunday, Sept 23, @ Seattle Seahawks, 4:25 ET

These Seahawks aren't your older brother's Seahawks. No Richard Sherman. No Michael Bennett. Earl Thomas and Kim Chancellor's future up in the air. And no running game. Regardless, it's never easy to win in Seattle, and unless Dad Prescott suddenly morphs into Deshaun Watson, I don't see a win. Record: 2-1 

Week 4 - Sunday Sept 30, vs. Detroit Lions, 1:00 ET

Dalls native Matthew Stafford comes to town and I still wake up in cold sweats thinking about the game winning drive in 2013. 80 yards in 52 seconds with no timeouts, all accumulating in a fake spike for a touchdown. 

Freddy Kruger is blushing. But that was five years ago and these young secondary players for the Cowboys haven't even seen Halloween (damn Millinials). Record:3-1

Week 5 - Sunday, Oct 7, @ Houston Texans, 8:20 ET

If Freddy is Ghost of Nightmare Past, Deshaun Watson is absolutely the present. All reports are that his recovery is coming along well and he'll have the Sunday Night primetime stage to show off. Oh and they have this guy named JJ Watt on the other side that's pretty good. Record:3-2

Week 6 - Sunday, Oct 14, vs. Jacksonville Jaguars, 4:25 ET

Let's stick on the movie reference theme. If Watson is the new Freddy, Blake Bortles is The Sandlot's Smalls. Besides holding back his teammates Lenny "the Jet" Fournette and a defense that's everything like "The Beast" waiting on the other side of the fence, have you seen Smalls throw? 

Enough said. Record: 4-2

Week 7 - Sunday, Oct 21, @ Washington Redskins, 4:25 ET

The Cowboys have surprisingly won five straight in Washington. Plus Kirk Cousins to Alex Smith is a downgrade, especially when you factor in the weapons that he lost as well. Smith is going to miss Andy Reid and all of his toys in Kansas City. Record 5-2

Week 8 - BYE WEEK

Week 9 - Monday, Nov 5, vs. Tennessee Titans, 8:15 ET

BREAKING NEWS - The Tennessee Titans are releasing new jerseys that are "going to be the talk of the NFL this offseason!!" 

.............so the shoulders and numbers are pointier.........?? The crazy feelings and adrenaline rush that these massive changes will obviously give the players will be worn off by Week 9. Record: 6-2

Week 10 - Sunday, Nov 11, @ Philadelphia Eagles, 8:20 ET

Wait, is it too late to change Ghost of Nightmares Present to Carson Wentz? Am I worried about the knee injury? SEE WATSON, DESHAUN. Record 6-3 

Week 11 - Sunday, Nov 18, @ Atlanta Falcons, 1:00 ET

Dak is probably still nursing bruises from taking six sacks from Adrian Clayborn last year, who should send some of that $4 million signing bonus in New England to Chaz Green. Tyron Smith is back, but so is Julio Jones and Matt Ryan. The young secondary will get exposed again.  Record: 6-4

Week 12 - Thursday, Nov 22, vs. Washington Redskins, 4:30 ET

A tradition unlike any other - stuffing your face for hours while watching football. On Thanksgiving, we gather with family to celebrate when Roger Staubach and Tom Landry exited the Mayflower and beat the Indians in a game of pigskin, before eating the meat left over, so no more fitting matchup than this. Oh, and Dak makes up for last year's debacle against the Chargers. Record: 7-4

Week 13 - Thursday, Nov 29, vs. New Orleans Saints, 8:20 ET

The NFC South is the craziest division in football. Since it's formation in 2002, the division winner from the previous year has followed it up with a losing record 12 out of the 16 years. New Orleans won the division in 2017. ecord:8-4

Week 14 - Sunday, Dec 9, vs. Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 ET

Remember that guy name Carson Wentz? The first line of Fight Club is, "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." That's what's going to happen to Dallas if Wentz doesn't miss the team plane. Record: 8-5

Week 15 - Sunday, Dec 16, @ indianapolis Colts, 1:00 ET  

Which Andrew Luck will we get? Bad news for the Cowboys - this game is at the end of the year. Good news - it might not make a difference with Luck's insane shoulder injury. Remember this quote?  

This was in August of last year. EIGHT MONTHS AGO. And we wonder why Josh McDaniels didn't want this job. Record: 9-5

Week 16 - Sunday, Dec 23, vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 1:00 ET

Tampa Bay has only won once (2001) in Dallas in it's franchise history. Jamies Winston was seven in 2001. The Dallas defense is going to treat him like a first grader. Record: 10-5 

Week 17 - Sunday, Dec 30, @ New York Giants, 1:00 ET

Sitting at 10-5 in a good NFC, it's most likely a win-and-get-in situation for Dallas. It's a situation that has never been nice to the Cowboys ranging back to the Tony Romo era. I see history repeating itself, with Eli away from the AT&T hex. Record: 10-6

 

Andrew Westbrook